Nonviolent Communication (NVC) – you may have heard of this concept before, but many colleagues I have spoken with over the past 1.5 years had never heard of NVC.

Marshall B. Rosenberg first developed ideas about NVC while working on school projects to improve racial integration in the 1960s.

The goal of NVC is to create quality connections between people in order to achieve satisfying outcomes for all involved. Originally, it was about helping schools and teachers create life-enhancing environments through the process of supporting partnerships and resolving conflicts within and between people and relationships.

NVC develops and strengthens our ability to communicate and resolve conflict by responding to what is happening around us or being said to us in a supportive way and by awakening compassion.

Well, it may sound a little cheesy…. It gets cornier…

When Marshall B. Rosenberg educates people about NVC and the different ways we communicate with each other, he talks about giraffes and jackals. He says that jackals don’t make objective observations, they start directly judging, criticizing, analyzing, moralizing or accusing. Giraffes, on the other hand, look at events from different perspectives and respond mindfully and compassionately.

When you watch videos about NVC – whether by Marshall B. Rosenberg or any other NVC trainer – you see them playing around with hand puppets of a giraffe and a jackal (for example, in this video, which I think has good content…). When I see this, I feel really uncomfortable and even feel a kind of contempt. I feel this way because I feel the need to be serious, to be taken seriously, and when someone who is an adult starts talking about a jackal and a giraffe with hand puppets, I can’t take that person seriously. But I can certainly understand why Marshall B. Rosenberg does this, because it helps people connect with and understand better what he is saying. They have an image in their mind that helps them imagine themselves as a jackal or a giraffe the next time they are involved in a conversation, and perhaps make a mindful and conscious decision against the dominance of the jackal and for the compassionate communication of the giraffe.

Cheesy? Corny? Probably yes.

Nonetheless, the idea and the concept behind NVC really works.

The way I wrote the above paragraph is based on the idea of NVC. I have described the emotion I feel when I observe them playing with hand puppets (contempt not even the pseudo emotion uncomfortable) – followed by the explanation of the need I have that causes this emotion (to be taken seriously). In this way, I am not judging Marshall B. Rosenberg or any other person who does this, but simply sharing what I feel. This would allow the person with the hand puppets to understand why I feel that way and perhaps connect with my needs.

I’ve been applying it for quite a while now in various situations with athletes and coaches in sports and with other clients in the corporate world, which has helped them understand themselves better – and, more importantly, understand their counterparts better.

I refrain from talking about jackals and giraffes because – as I said – I feel the need to be taken seriously. I am not as dogmatic as most of the NVC trainers. I believe that NVC can help and that everyone needs their own approach to incorporating NVC into their work. I have learned that it can be helpful in sports – but it also depends on the environment and the situation.

If you are interested in learning more about NVC and discussing with other sport psychologists from around the world how NVC could be integrated into the world of sport and how athletes, coaches and parents in sport could benefit from NVC, I would like to invite you to a free workshop on NVC. In this workshop, we will go into detail about what NVC is, how it works, how we can apply it ourselves, and discuss its possibilities and limitations in a sports context. This workshop will take place on August 21, 2023 from 6-7pm CEST.

We will go into more detail about NVC, why it is the jackal and the giraffe, how emotions and needs can help us help others resolve conflict and difficult situations, and how we can integrate NVC into sport psychology. If you attend, you will even receive a certificate of attendance (1 CEU). Plus, there’s a bonus for anyone who registers for VASPS2023.

If you can’t make it to the workshop, we’ve got you covered. We will be recording the workshop and sending the recording to all those who have registered. Until then, you can also learn more about NVC on the official website of the Centre for Nonviolent Communication.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing you at the workshop.