The “Four Ears and Four Mouths” model from Friedemann Schulz von Thun is a fascinating framework that I’ve found immensely helpful in navigating the complexities of coach-athlete communication. It’s a model that brings to light how every message can carry multiple layers of meaning, and understanding this can greatly enhance how coaches and athletes interact, leading to better relationships and more effective performance.

The model breaks down each message into four aspects: the factual information, the self-revelation, the relationship message, and the appeal. When a coach gives feedback to an athlete, they may think they’re simply sharing facts—like pointing out a technical flaw in a skill—but in reality, there are three other layers that are equally present. As coaches, understanding that what we say may be interpreted in different ways by the athlete is crucial to effective communication.

For example, let’s say a coach tells an athlete, “You’re still not keeping your elbow up during the stroke.” On the surface, the factual content is clear: a correction that needs to be made. However, through the lens of Schulz von Thun’s model, the other layers reveal much more. The self-revelation aspect might convey something about the coach, such as their concern or frustration regarding the athlete’s progress. The relationship component might implicitly communicate authority or disappointment, which could affect how the athlete feels about the interaction. Finally, the appeal part is what the coach wants the athlete to do—correct the elbow position.

The athlete, on the other hand, is listening with “four ears.” How they interpret the message depends on which ear is most sensitive at that moment. If the athlete hears primarily with the factual ear, they understand it as straightforward feedback: “I need to keep my elbow up.” If they’re more tuned into the relationship ear, they might feel criticized or think, “Coach doesn’t believe I’m trying hard enough.” The self-revelation ear might pick up on the coach’s frustration, leading them to feel guilty or pressured. And if they focus on the appeal ear, they might sense urgency in making immediate corrections.

I’ve noticed that when coaches aren’t aware of these multiple layers, misunderstandings can quickly escalate. A simple factual statement can unintentionally damage the relationship if the athlete feels they’re being judged or not appreciated. This is why I encourage coaches to be mindful of not just what they’re saying but also how they’re saying it, considering how the athlete might perceive each layer of the message. It’s about understanding that every word carries emotional weight and relationship dynamics, not just information.

One of the exercises I like to do with coaches is to take common phrases they use during training and break them down using the four layers. This helps them see the potential interpretations and adjust their communication to align better with their intentions. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re still not getting it right,” a coach might reframe to, “I can see you’re working on it—let’s focus on keeping that elbow up for the next set.” Here, the factual content remains, but the self-revelation shifts to show support, and the relationship aspect communicates belief in the athlete’s effort, which can foster a positive atmosphere.

Another practical way I apply this model is by helping athletes identify which “ear” they’re using most often. Some athletes are particularly sensitive to the relationship ear, and they may perceive neutral feedback as a personal attack. This awareness helps them to reframe how they interpret feedback and focus more on the factual and appeal aspects instead of assuming negative intent. For example, an athlete might practice repeating back the factual content to ensure they understand what’s being asked without letting emotional interpretation cloud their judgment.

This model is also helpful in building trust. When coaches openly acknowledge the different layers of their messages, they create a more transparent communication environment. It can be as simple as adding a self-revelation statement like, “I’m giving you this feedback because I know you have the potential to improve, and I want to help you get there.” This makes it clear why they’re saying what they’re saying, reducing ambiguity and helping the athlete receive the message in the intended way.

One challenge I’ve observed is that under the stress of training or competition, both coaches and athletes can default to hearing with only one ear—often the relationship ear when emotions run high. In these moments, misunderstandings can multiply. This is why ongoing practice in communicating with awareness of all four layers is so important. It’s a skill that takes time to refine but can have a tremendous impact on the quality of the coach-athlete relationship.

The “Four Ears and Four Mouths” model reminds us that communication is never just about conveying information; it’s about relationships, emotions, and influence. For coaches, being aware of what “mouth” they’re speaking from and how the athlete might be listening is a powerful way to ensure that their messages build rather than break the connection. And for athletes, recognizing which “ear” they are listening with helps them interpret feedback more constructively, paving the way for growth and improvement.

Communication in sports is about more than just instruction—it’s about fostering an environment where athletes feel understood, supported, and motivated to give their best. By applying Schulz von Thun’s model, coaches can better navigate the nuances of what they say, how they say it, and how it’s heard, ultimately creating a culture of trust, clarity, and progress.

Unfortunately, Friedemann Schulz von Thun’s works are only available in German. He has several excellent books, such as “Miteinander reden”, that provide a fantastic overview of his communication models and how to apply them in everyday life. However, all of these resources, including his website, are in German. Despite this, I encourage you to visit his website and use your favorite translation tool to explore it—it features some classic visuals, like the ones often used to illustrate the Four Ears and Four Mouths model. While I haven’t included these images here to respect copyright, they can offer valuable insights into understanding the concepts in more depth.